Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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