I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
honey bunches of taint.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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