If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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