she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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