I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
