This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
