At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
