booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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