I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
