Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
