I looked at my own cervix.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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