DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize