Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
