I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
