Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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