There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
