i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
