So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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