I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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