Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
