are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
well you can't waste a boner
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
