there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
