i think my tv is drunk
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
