her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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