i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
