At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I died a long time ago.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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