I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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