shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
