I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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