I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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