I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
