He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
