people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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