So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
