I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
