I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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