I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
