Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
