im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
