if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
