I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
