My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
