I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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