But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
