I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize