Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
