Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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