3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize