Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize