i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
