just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
