Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
