So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
