he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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