you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
