so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
