Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
