Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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