You just made me feel so damn special
Just fell off a train. Bad.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
