Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
