checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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