gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize