LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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