My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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