i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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