is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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