time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
