If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
