just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sext me about skeletons
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
