my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
