At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
