I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
