just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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