I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
