yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
